An old paper I wrote for Anthropology class that made me smile

Tiffany Young

ANTH 152

Identity Diary

4/12/08: Today I talked to a friend on the phone and made plans with her for tonight.  This is how I make her feel that she is important and that she is a priority in that I would call ahead of time. Today I did the dishes in the sink including my roommate’s dishes because she often does my dishes and I wanted to return the favor and also didn’t want her to think I’m a slob. Today I sent short emails to my mom, dad, and brother just to tell them I am thinking of them and that I miss them. This is how I let them know that I care and I follow up with a phone call as well to talk and see how their days are going.

4/13/08: Today I sent text messages to some friends from my home town saying hello and asking them how they are doing. Text messages are easy because you don’t have to worry about interrupting them while they’re doing something like with a phone call, and we also have unlimited texting plans! This is how I show them that I am a good friend and that they are still very important to me, even though I am far away. I changed several times today. It’s funny because I didn’t realize how I change clothes to fit the situation.  For example, if I’m just hanging out at the house, if I want to go to the store, or if I want to go to dinner or the mall. These situations all require different outfits in my mind.

4/14/08: Today is a school day. Today I wake up, take a shower, and put on makeup. I like to spend some time to get ready because I like to appear that I put effort into myself.  Also it is important for me to look awake and pulled together as much as I can in the morning.

Tiffany Young

ANTH 152

Communicating Identities

The ways that I maintain my identity are mainly through the way that I communicate verbally with others. I like to make others feel special and wanted and I like to let people know that I care for them. Another way that I maintain my identity is through my appearance. The things I wear and the way that I do my makeup is a reflection of who I am. I think this is important because I would not want someone to get the wrong idea about me if I were to wear something revealing because I am not that way. Usually I am the one to say that I don’t care what others think of me, but that is not true because it shows that I care somewhat by the things that I do and the clothes that I wear.  I convey my gender role by my appearance, the things I wear, my makeup. I also am careful about not being too loud or obnoxious in ways that would make me seem like

one of the guys. I think the image of girls is that they are more reserved and polite and I see myself trying to fit this image, especially when I am around guys.  I definitely maintain links with people through gift-giving. I love it when people do thoughtful things for me, so in return I do my best to remember little details and try to

give gifts accordingly. For example, I will send cards for friends and family members’ birthdays and special events. For my roommate I will pick up something extra for her from the grocery store, like her favorite granola bars. Or it could be something as little as offering the person sitting next to me some gum or candy because it would be rude to eat it in front of them without offering.  The way that I communicate to people that they play a special role in my life is that I just tell them and I tell them often. This is something that I learned to do recently after the death of a great friend of mine who passed away. I’m pretty sure he knew that he was special to me, but I never really told him just how important he was.  So after this incident I always tell the people I care about that they are important people in my life and that I am lucky to have them around.  My friends, especially the ones that live far away like to send me text messages and emails. It is their way of showing me that they are thinking of me and that I’m still an important person in their life. My mom will sometimes send me money to buy groceries and the things I need. This is her way of showing me that she is my mom and that she cares about my well being and that I am taken care of. My boyfriend takes me shopping to get things that I need. He also calls me several times a day to say hello and to see how my day is going. This is how he shows that he cares.  Sometimes I feel that my boyfriend’s friends and family see me as a selfish brat, simply because my boyfriend does so many things for me and they have this idea that I am unappreciative. I don’t think they realize the little things I do for him that make him want to do all the nice things for me. I take care of him on an emotional level and I definitely think that they do not see this side of me.  In my mind, the way you act and the way you dress are rites of passage. In some places, like work or school, the way you dress could make the difference of what kinds of people will approach you or talk to you. I also noticed that the type of car you drive or the town you grew up in is also a rite of passage. A good example of the principle of reciprocity is my relationship with my boyfriend. We do things that show our gender roles and how we care for each other. For example, he takes care of me and makes sure I have things that I need, and I reciprocate by being a good listener and being there for him emotionally.  The following is a list of things that I do to establish in the minds of others, as well as my own, my place in society: the clothes I wear, my makeup, the way I treat others kindly, listening to others, things that I do in my spare time such as what kind of music I listen to and the places I go to like the beach or the mall, how I do my hair.

The Identity Diary was an interesting experience because I got to really see how my image is important to me and how I come off to others. It’s so weird because I always say that I don’t care what others think about me, but now I realize it’s quite the opposite. The second day of the diary I realized that I change clothes a lot to fit my surroundings. When I was at my boyfriend’s house and we wanted to go to the store, I changed into something casual but a little bit more dressed up than what I was wearing around the house. He asked me why I couldn’t just wear what I had on and got annoyed that I had to change every time I wanted to go somewhere. I guess I could have just gone in what I was wearing but in my mind I would not have been comfortable because I didn’t want to stick out like someone who just woke up and went to the store in whatever I was wearing. I also realized in my diary that I am very much a people pleaser. I often put other’s needs in front of my own and I want people to like me and think I am a thoughtful and caring person because inside, that is how I see myself.